On Resilience
The people who thrived, Have been those who have displayed industry, resilience & optimism.
Earlier this year, News weary & Seeking positivity, I initiated dialogue with some lovely ladies whom I know to possess and exercise these traits, in their very varied daily lives. I share below snippets of these exchanges, with the hope that they may resonate with you and bring you some joy, strength and inspiration.
SHALINI PASSI | ARTIST & AVID ART COLLECTOR
Q: What are your defining traits?
my persistence and hard work. I strive to do my best. To work hard in every task that I undertake. I’m always evolving and moving with the times.
Q: How do you ground yourself?
When it comes to stressful situations, I try not to get caught up in them. I think of creative solutions to the problem and work my way through it. Positivity is the key! I always see the positive side of things and what this situation can teach me if I work through it.
Q: Where do you find inspiration & hope?
My main inspirations come from art, music and literature. I enjoy dancing, it gives me a lot of hope and confidence. I like to view art, listen to music and indulge in creative activities.
Q: What has been your personal evolution with age. Do you respond differently to situations now? What has changed?
I’ve always been extremely inquisitive and driven.I am forever learning and improving. It is this determination that compels me to constantly work on myself in order to excel.
Q: What are you reading / watching?
The book I am currently reading is “THE LAWS OF HUMAN NATURE” by Robert Greene. I don’t watch television. I do enjoy listening to podcasts on art, architecture and wellness.
I am currently enrolled in an online course on art history, which I thoroughly enjoy.
Q: how do you practice self care?
One thing that helped me a lot during the lockdown is sticking to a daily schedule. I work out in the morning, and work post that.I read as much as I can in the evenings.
Meditation is a important step in my self-care routine it keeps me grounded. I also enjoy singing, dancing, painting and photography.
We should aspire to better ourselves through education & various creative activities. Taking care of ourselves physically and mentally. Another important trait is to be helpful to others. As good karma and kindness go a long way. I think these life traits are essential. As Einstein said “Strive not to be a success, rather to be of value”.
Q: Any Life advice you’d give to your mentees/children/loved ones?
It is of utmost importance to always look at the brighter side. Even the darkest of clouds have a silver lining. “Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are”.
SONIA BAHL | AUTHOR | ON OPTIMISM
How do you ground yourself if stressed?
I ruthlessly edit—shut out information overload. Abstain from being carpet-bombed with (mostly the same) facts, advice, tips, opinions, forwards!! which, during a crisis, hit us with alarming repetition and speed. They become serenity vampires. I also walk. A lot. We are blessed to be living on a stretch of road that is covered with a tunnel of giant old rain trees—my anxieties and preoccupations fall away there.
Where do you find inspiration and hope in tough times?
Irrational optimism is a default setting: I try to dig into those reserves when it gets rough. Of course, right now the anxiety is all pervading, so one makes an extra effort to focus on living completely in the moment, the task at hand. The famous Dickens lines come to mind: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I keep believing we won’t just survive, we’ll come out better on the other side.
Oh, and I’m a confessed crashing bore, so I’ll be the first to admit I find inspiration in sticking to routine. I am just not cool enough to bask in the absence of agenda! I can’t show up for a video call in sweatpants, unbathed, and feel my best. Even after quitting my day job (aeons ago), I’ve continued sticking to the ritual of getting fully dressed before getting into the study to work. It’s my power move! It works for me.
What has been your personal evolution with age—do you now respond differently to any situations?
If anything, I’ve grown more into who I started off being. Is that a lack of evolution? Let’s pretend it’s finding the courage to be who you were meant to be :). I’m working on the second part. I’m learning to let go more easily. Disappointment, hurt, that heavy valise of stuff we lug around—mostly because we’re reacting to someone or something outside of ourselves.
Books, music, movies, art that you are currently enjoying?
I am a diehard cinephile, but I’m a poor binge-watcher—although I have binge-watched some shows in the past. Increasingly, I tend to watch an episode or two and feel the need to take a break. I recently enjoyed The English Game and now, so as not to suffer FOMO—my family are huge fans—I’m watching Money Heist. I’ve just finished Lisa Ray’s fantastic memoir, Close to the Bone. I’m presently veering towards lighter reading, I’m revisiting A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and a new writer I’ve just discovered—Kiley Reid. I’m reading her debut novel: Such a Fun Age. I love listening to podcasts when I’m walking: Modern Love (New York Times) is a staple.
Self-care practice during the lockdown?
Simple rituals, really. I like waking up before everyone else. I like some time to zone out (I am not confident enough to call it meditating!) and I love that my doggo sits near me doing the same. It’s comforting, we both revel in remaining in a semi dream state before entering reality. The first drink of the day is warm water with a generous squirt of lime. If the weather permits, I’ll head for a walk. The big one: plan the food for the day (I’m the bad cop who has to also play the god cop) it’s a challenge trying to keep it healthy and satiating—we’re all eating all meals at home now, and we all have cravings! Then get down to work: as a writer you’re either writing or feeling guilty about not writing!
PS: Because we have our favourite person back home—our daughter—it’s healing to just go hug her and savour the feeling of having her home and safe.
Some life advice you’d give your mentees, child, loved ones?
This is tricky territory. If you have an internet connection, you already have a surfeit of advice. On a serious note, I think our youngsters are plaudit-worthy—I know some who’ve just graduated from med school and are on the frontlines, others who are managing jobs way ahead of their experience, from home—these are unprecedented times. In fact, I’m sure they'll have a lot to teach us when they come out burnished through this fire.
What never fails to work for me though, are the valiant lines from Kipling’s iconic poem, If. If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs… And then there's my perennial mantra: do it with love.
NIHARIKA DALAL | DESIGNER, BIKER, RESCUE DIVER | ON IMAGINATION
I think we underestimate the power of imagination and that's my biggest strength. Our mind is like a toddler i feel . we can develop it in anyway we like and it can evolve and retreat multiple times in the day. You have to tell the mind stories & create a reality for it.
Two years short of my 40. I am realising how important it is to still be a kid. I can still play tea time and doll house. I still relate to characters from stories like Alice in Wonderland. I actually had a quarantine madhatter tea party in my living room with my husband and furry kid. I just accepted this time like any other adventure i would go on. The challenge here is to feel adventures in a limited space. Which we would think is impossible but is highly achievable. I started by telling myself that , " it is okay" . it is absolutely okay that i cant go out, go to work or drive or meet my friends for this time. Just answered this question for myself, " what is important?" and it was clear, I am important - The most important! Because if I don't exist, nothing in my world would exist. others would be entities. but not in my world. so I need to be my own knight and protect myself. Yes protect others too. But I have no qualms in saying, " me first". Whatever we experience is our own creation. it is our choice. the responsibility for getting overwhelmed in this lockdown is ours. we are choosing to be anxious over creative. This is coming from a person who has had anxiety for a long time. so I am talking from experience.
Go back to being a child. without fear of judgment of any sort, without the word, "fomo", without vanity and without the need to succeed. what if this was it , the space you are in and the privileges you have today, are all you had. You knew nothing of the world outside. Wouldn't this much freedom be enough then? It is a zen state to ask for. we will fail on most days but why not attempt it. My advice would be to come up with fun projects besides your zoom calls and remote working. Try a new skill or go back to something you left midway. Be hands on. The joy of being humble and appreciating something we would take for granted otherwise. What has helped me is having a routine. actually its the same routine as was before the lockdown. the only change is being home and the added chores.
Working out is an obvious to make myself happy. totally loving not wearing make-up and truly falling in love with the non glossed ..me!
ANTARA MUKHERJEE | SOCIAL WORKER AND MUSICIAN | ON EMPATHY
Q. What do you believe to be your defining traits and behaviours?
A. I believe the basis of my behaviours and my responses to the outside world come from an inherent need to empathise. As a child I was bullied a lot for my complexion and my size, I still remember how broken I used to feel. It's that feeling that I never want to encounter again and wouldn't wish anyone else to suffer through either. That feeling of fear and shame is something I'll never forget and its variants are alive today, in the hearts of people. I know how bad it can get and my entire purpose is to make sure nobody ever feels like that again, if I can help it. Sure enough, I grew up to be a social worker and my empathy and my ability to listen without judgement are my tools that define me, my work and my passion.
Q. How do you ground/center yourself during stressful periods?
A. Stress for me has always been a difficult thing to handle. My work makes it difficult for me to concentrate inside because I spend most of my emotional energy into others. However, following a very tough lesson in mismanagement of stress, I took an active steps like visiting a therapist regularly, spending quality time reading, having an almost prayer like routine with my skin and my hair, and working out every day for an hour and a half. During my most stressful periods, I have found myself indulging in therapy and working out extra hours at the gym. It helps me stabilise on how I am feeling and also deals with the physiological side of stress. But sometimes, I find sanity and relaxation at the bottom of a glass of wine or two!
Q. Where do you find inspiration and hope to go on, in tough times?
A. I think I have always taken my inspiration from the people I surround myself with and most importantly my mother. She is the true definition of resilience in my life. But hope, hope is something I found in Harry Potter, there is an incredibly complex subtext throughout the books that inspires me. I have spent more than decade reading and unravelling the very real and raw realities of life through its pages. I think I would also give my work and the lovely little people I work with , children, for igniting a sense of wonderment and everlasting hope in me. I found my calling, and it is my inspiration and my hope.
Q. What has been your personal evolution with age. Do you respond differently to situations now? What has changed?
A. Growing up, my motto for survival was 'speak not, feel not.' I spent so much of my time suppressing how I felt. It really took a turn when I became an adult, and I realised just how badly I was dealing with my life's experiences. I hadn't learn to value myself and was dependent on validation from others. That changed quickly when I started to reflect on myself each day, read about my anxiety, my depression and understand how it all interconnected and produced a jumbled me. However, going back to therapy really helped me change for the better, I have learnt to prioritise myself when needed, understood that it's okay to not be compulsively composed. My evolved self knows that with the beauty of living comes the existence of the ugly. There's no going back from that now!
Q. What books, music, art are you currently studying?
A. I am currently travelling through the ages with Bharati Ray Choudhary's "Daughters', a tale of five generation of women, strong and quietly fierce in the face of changing times. More importantly, I listen to a lot of music because being a musician myself, I relate to tunes and words very deeply. My to go artists are The 1975 and The Japanese house, they weave politics ad human emotions so wonderfully and it really helps me express myself in their words when I can't find mine.
Q. What steps are you taking for self-care during this lockdown?
A. Many! I am someone who doesn't really get a lot of sleep on a regular working day. So in this lockdown, I am taking my time with sleep, I am easily sleeping for 10 hours on an average and I can see what a difference it has made. My skin is better, my anxiety is better and with my workouts, it has really helped me stay focused and active. I have also been taking my time to cook healthy meals, read, watch some wonderful films and catch up on the world. These are very distressing times for many people in the world, I recognise my privilege and I am grateful for what I have.
Q. Life advice you'd give your mentees/loved ones?
A. If I had to give any advice, to my fellow social workers, I would say, go to therapy. I would advice them to prioritise themselves every now and then. It is very easy to lose oneself in the cruelty of the world, but if we allow that to affect us, we stop being productive and helpful to others and ourselves. I also know the benefits and results of simple indulgences, so definitely would advice one to take that day off, drink an extra glass of wine, grub on some chocolate and have a completely lazy day. Being a social worker is emotionally taxing, so one must do what one must can to keep their spirits up.
ANURADHA SIVAKUMAR | ENGINEERING AND FINANCE STARTUPS | ON SELF CARE
Some words that define me are: worshipper of science, adventurous, curious, activist- standup against any form of inequality, creative
I am a very emotional person so I experience life's ups and downs more intensely. Its also what makes me creative so I am not complaining. But obviously during stressful times, I need to step up my coping mechanisms which include-
1. Working out - I cannot express how just showing up to a class/gym everyday changes me into a fighter and go-getter. No matter what problems life presents me, one session of cardio/yoga everyday gives me the strength to overcome. I recommend boxing for the specially challenging days.
2. My friendships - I have a few friends/family members in my life who I can completely count on every single day. So connecting with them during tough times lightens the load. I also make sure I am there for them as wholeheartedly when they need me.
3. Counselors - I wish to tell our society that one is not crazy/mental to seek professional help when you are overwhelmed. Just a small conversation with a qualified person can help you fight the demons in your head and reach your full potential.
4. Mindfulness- Training the subconscious mind to choose positive thoughts and nipping the negative ones through mindfulness.
5. Hobbies - I have a ton of hobbies - I love Madhubani style of drawing, love origami and pretty Japanese paper, I crochet also and I am trying to teach myself how to play the piano, I also read (highly recommended for coping with low times) and travel like everyone else.
6. Paying it forward + Charity- I consider myself quite privileged and helping someone who is in a tough situation or who doesnt have the means to come out of it, gives my life some meaning.
So I try to do all the above things during the lockdown as well except for travel. In fact I feel the restlessness has reduced knowing that there is no choice but to stay in one place - like the Eagle's song "Learn to be still". It has also made me so grateful for the simple things like being surrounded by loved ones, being healthy and having food to eat.
The life advice I would like to give everyone is to not take things too seriously- we are a mere dot in a vast canvas of space and time and a product of chance. Signing off with a quite from Rumi " Life life as if everything is rigged in your favour".
DR MEGHA SODHI | PLASTIC SURGEON AND DANCER | ON PASSION
Passion and consistency.
I am fortunate to have found a career in something I feel passionately about, consistency is important as it helps one slowly and steadily inch towards one’s goal. It’s important to not let stress get the better of you. A number of activities help me in circumventing this such as deep breathing, listening to music, going for a run, attending a dance class or meditating and yoga depending on which one the situation allows at the time.
During this lockdown, I have made a fixed routine for myself which involves waking up at the same time, followed by a pilates/barre or dance class online to get my body and mind pumping. Connecting with loved ones. No tv before 3 pm and I try get to bed at the same time every night. Tune out the overload of false information circulating on all platforms. It is important to be safe and stay indoors. Currently, I am going through some scientific papers and trying my hand at painting.
Inspiration is found in all forms. Having a mental picture of what I wish to achieve helps in keeping me hopeful and motivated to go on when times are not ideal. With age, I feel more grounded as a person and better equipped to handle tough situations. The ability to see alternate options from “the plan” is what has changed for me. Dream big, a lot you were told is impossible, isn’t. Find what you love and stick to it. Believe in yourself.